What do you see?

    "You do not see things as they are, you see them as you are."

    In life it is interesting how many differing opinions there are, and how every person to walk this earth is unique in their perspective. We all live on the same earth, yet we all view a different earth. Because of our unique backgrounds, we have unique points of view.
    I have noted how interesting it is that some of us could go through experiences exactly the same as each other, and yet what we gain from them and how we view them will be completely different.
    I have started realizing that you see things differently because we are different. What we feel and observe about life around us, makes us into who we are, and who we are, and who we are becoming in turn changes the way we view things.
    When I seek out light and truth in life, I feel and observe more light and truth in the world around. We seek out what makes us happy, and what we decide make us happy in turn influences us in a very large way in who we ultimately become.
   "When you look you see reflections of your being. When you listen, you hear echos of yourself. If you don't like what you see and hear, no point in smashing the mirror, change who you are becoming."
    When we do not like the view that we see in life no one can change that but us, taking it out on others, lashing out in anger; in a sense smashing the mirror of our life will do us no good. We must change the way we view things to change what we see. Ultimately to change our view on life we must change who we are, and who we are becoming.


   

Whispers in the Dark

     Who knows what it is that enables you to over come your trials giving you the confidence to soar above any tribulation one day and the next your crippled begging for light to live your life. What makes one moment of struggle easy almost to master, while the next you feel powerless.  All I know is that we all have these moments, we all struggle, we have moments of strength and power and other moments of crippling fear and doubt.
     I've realized that we have no way of knowing whats coming next, and no way of knowing every storm that's coming our way. We can be faced with light and truth that has enabling power, and two seconds later we can be faced with fear and doubt that brings you to your knees.
     Last week was one of those weeks for me, one minute I felt confident that I could accomplish all that was expected of me, and the next I would be filled with doubts of self worth and importance. Walking around campus sometimes I just felt like a nobody in a crowd of somebodies. Through this experience I came to know that in this life you will have a number of visitors and it is your choice on who you open the door to and let it. It is also your choice who you keep in. Just because you've let someone in once doesn't mean you need to keep them there, or let them in again.
    There are two visitor that have been knocking every door since the dawn of time. Each has the power to completely turn your life around if you let them in. But you cannot choose both of them for the minute one enters the other leaves, based your decision. In moments of loneliness or insecurity those are the times Satan will come knocking with his deceitful whispers beckoning you to open the door.            The Savoir ever loving and patient is always knocking but he wont demand your attention, or yell at you to answer. Often Satan will, he will do anything to get your attention, and drag you down. Even when he's not yelling he is waiting around the corner for the next moment of loneliness, knowing that those are the moments you are most likely to let him in for a talk is when your lonely and afraid.
      It is easy to be happy when everything is going as you dreamed, and you know exactly what to do to make things right in your life. When the lights turn on when you need them to, and things make sense when they should. When you wake up smiling and good things seem to gravitate toward you.
      But there are other times that we come to know in this mortal life, times when the light bulbs burn out and the lights don't turn on, spiritually and literally. The times when you feel weighted and don't want to get up in the morning. These are the times that it truly matters who we open our door to, when the whispers come to you in the dark and your not sure who you are in the light of day. It is in these moments we decide who we want to keep company with, what doors we open, and which we keep tightly locked.
    There will always be whispers in your ear of whats right and whats wrong, but some will cripple you while others will make you strong. Embrace that which heals you and lifts you, and enlightens you, and keep the doors of darkness tightly locked. For them to be opened you have the power, and you hold the key.

Happiness

There are a great many things in this live that can and will make you smile, or even make you happy. But there will come a time when we must ask ourselves, at what price to who we are this happiness is given. There a some forms of happiness that are appealing, strangely addicting, and very appeasing to our need for pleasant feedback in life. However someday some of these things things will crumble beneath us, falling away bringing us down with them, leaving us wondering what to hold on to.
There are other forms of happiness that are fleeting, breathtakingly beautiful while present, and some times fewer and farther between than we may wish, but they build us and teach us as they come, giving us a greater perspective, and strength for our future. When these moments are over and gone they take nothing from us, but give us a firmer ground to stand on to face tomorrow.
Somethings will build us, and other things will break us, and only we can choose what we turn to, to strengthen us in these times. Depending on our choice it will either given fleeting comfort, or lasting completeness. We choose where we turn for our happiness, but we someday will realize only select things in our lives have the true power to give us joy.

Truth

Truth is truth you cannot change it, anymore than you can change the weather. You can accept that, live according to it, protect yourself with knowledge of it, and dress for it. Or you can deny it, ignore it and complain when you freeze in the storm of life that surrounds you. It is up to you how you respond to truth, but popular belief, trends and common opinion have no sway over truth.
“The truth." Dumbledore sighed. "It is a beautiful and terrible thing, and should therefore be treated with great caution.” 
“When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they can seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall. Think of it--always.” 
― Mahatma Gandhi
“Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened.” 
― Winston S. Churchill
“Above all, don't lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love.” 
― Fyodor Dostoyevsky
“Above all, don't lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love.” 
― Fyodor Dostoyevsky
“Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.” 
― Aldous Huxley
You can choose to accept and ignore whatever you may please in this life. Some things we even have a powerful ability to change things. But there are some things that you simply cannot change. Truth is one of them, we should seek to live by truth, not the other way around. Truth does not live, change and evolve as we do, it exists, and we can live by it or ignore it. We have many choices in life, but truth is not one of them, we do not get to choose the laws of this universe. But we do get to choose to live by truth
D&D 130:20-21

 20 There is a law, irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world, upon which all blessings are predicated—

 21 And when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated.

Dreaming for you

“Dare to dream! If you did not have the capability to make your wildest wishes come true, your mind would not have the capacity to conjure such ideas in the first place. There is no limitation on what you can potentially achieve, except for the limitation you choose to impose on your own imagination. What you believe to be possible will always come to pass - to the extent that you deem it possible. It really is as simple as that.” 
― Anthon St. Maarten
The greatest gift you can give yourself is the freedom to dream. What do you have in this life if you do not allow yourself to dream? To live without a dream is not really living at all. To live without a dream is to try and appreciate art in a one dimensional world without being able see the depth to details that truly exist in all the other dimensions of life.
Dreaming allows you to see things for your future that may not be available to your present. Our present may not have everything that we desire, but our dreams propel us forward, giving us hope and purpose.
It's amazing the power that our minds have to conjure up something that we have never seen before, and have the hope of creating it. But our human abilities are just as amazing, we have the ability to create the things we dream. Our dreams make life beautiful, and our will and abilities make life happen. We give our lives power to happen by what we deem to be possible. So this is what I am suggesting, I think it is time for us to believe in what we never thought was possible, I think we should start believing that beautiful things can happen to us. And I think we should start believing that our dreams can come true, our mind and heart had the power to dream them up, I think we need to believe that our person has the power to create them and to strength and patience to see it through.
We need to empower our lives by believing in our power to live fully.
Stop being the one thing that is holding you back. Dream and Live!

Beautiful People

I have always been self conscious of my weight, strangely when I was younger I was pretty sure I was fat maybe borderline obese. I never got over 156 pounds which isn't horrible. I also never had an eating disorder, per say. I was a stress/emotional eater but to some degree I believe that is normal in humans, especially in teens, but somehow I really thought I was fat and that when people saw me they saw rolls of chub sticking out everywhere. I was self conscious of my hair which seemed to always have a mind of it's own, still does but I guess me and my hair have learned to communicate.
Anyways the point of this is I have always, always thought there is something about me that needed to change before I could be truly loved. When I was younger it was my smile, because it's crooked, my hair that has a lot of volume sometimes etc. . . . The list goes on, the way it does with I imagine everyone to have ever lived. We all have a list of skeletons we put in a box and bury in our closet scared that when someone gets to know us to much they will find that box. The boxes contents change through the fazes of life but it's always there, there is always a box, sometimes it's full of shallow reflections of what bugs us when we see ourselves reflected back at us in the mirror, and sometimes it's deep insecurities that are hidden deep inside our souls. The fear is, that if someone finds that box and gets to know the contents, they turn to leave and you will not be worth loving in their eyes.
It's the biggest lie in the universe, yet the most spread lie. Probably the most believed one too. However within the last little while I have been studying people anything and everything about them. I watch them while they talk while they interact and while they are all alone doing what appears to be nothing. Creepy right? yup but not really, not if what I am learning from it is going to change everything about how I perceive people, not if I am finding little things that will forever change the way I treat myself and others.
Elder Holland says "So be kind regarding human frailty—your own as well as that of those who serve with you"  I am not kind, usually not to myself, and a lot less so than I should be with others. I am sometimes kind of prickly because I am flawed all over the place, and so are others. If I keep them at a distance they can't see my flaws and I can't see theirs. I made a goal recently to be a more compassionate person. It's a trait I struggle with but the world could use more compassion right now, and if I don't work on providing some than who will? So I looked up compassion to see what it is I am even trying to develop within myself. Ever wondered what compassion means? Well, here you go " a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering."    
 I sometimes feel pity for others, and sometimes I feel bad for people, and usually when I see extreme circumstances in third world countries I feel sympathy and a desire to change the circumstance, or ease the pain. But rarely do I feel that just looking at people around me and think that I want to alleviate whatever it is that is making their life so crazy. Well I have come to a conclusion, when I have gone on service trips I have set aside time specifically to feel compassion for people, and most the time I am not close to those people, so there's not a fear of attachment, disappointment, and a host of other things you may feel when trying to help those around you that have an immediate affect on your life.
Well people are beautiful and everyone deserves compassion regardless of the price and the chances you have to take.
As much as growing I was taught to never gamble I have come to know that this life is a gamble, it's all about taking chances and learning to put power in the hands of a being greater than us, that we cannot see. We have to take chances for everything worthwhile, and there are moments when we have absolutely no guarantee, but we still have to put something on the line. There are some moments that ask us to put everything on the line, there are sometimes we have to give everything, and anything that we once were for the slight chance of change or growth.
The reward for the gamble is not money, or people loving you back, its not the guarantee that you will never be hurt. It's not the blessings you gain in your life from help others, although that is a priceless gift. The gift is the depth of you soul that you gain from searching for beauty in life that does meet the eye, the gift we receive is a love for others we did not have before. The greatest gift is us learning to love in a dimension that we did not know existed in life previously.
People are beautiful, their souls are breathtaking, if you will even give them a second glance. People are worth our compassion, every bit that we can give them. That doesn't mean being stupid and trusting blinding, it just means that we need to see people for what they are, imperfect being trying to find their way in this complicated existence. People are worth taking chances for.

Dear Generation

We live in a time where some of the tends, beliefs and styles of living sometimes go contrary to what will truly make us happy. We live in a day when people become scared of saying anything that may offend someone or that may be taken to personally. But I also know that if we cannot learn to stand up for what means the most to us the morality of the world we live in will far apart to shambles. Now is the time that we need brave people, now is the time we need people to stand up not shrink in their fear.

The first thing I want to address is our demand for now. I feel like patience is becoming a virtue of the past because we need it so little to get what we want, or think we want. With technological growth being as it is we always have something newer better, shiner and more attractive always on the way, most of the time before we are even ready for it. So of course we don't have to wait for something better, at least never for very long. Also with credit cards available to almost every class of people we no longer have a grasp on the concept that we will have more satisfaction in something that we have worked hard for, than something that we could just swipe a card for. Growth used to come not from getting what we wanted, but from traveling the road of patience and hard work that it took to get it. Now that road is almost nonexistent, no wonder we find so much disappointment in the things we sometimes think we want, we no longer have to work our butt off to get it.

Another thing is honesty. I feel like we live in a day of flattery and flirtation. The idea that at the end of the day it doesn't matter who we've lied to, just as long as they were flattered and happy by the time we ended the conversation. I very strongly feel that the way we treat others is a reflection of the way we look at our selves, and when we are lying to ourselves we have a hard time treating others honestly. There was a time that I looked in the mirror and told myself I was happy where I was at, I wanted to feel satisfied with myself rather than work hard to get to where I really would be happy. I don't believe that is an uncommon practice, in fact I think it's very frequent within our world today. I realized that I needed to be completely honest with myself, even if it hurt before I could handle my dealings with other people with complete honesty. There comes a time in life where either you choose to be honest with yourself and others or you will find yourself living a life of false securities, and vain delusions. When you realize that the only reason you focus so much on your body and material things is because you cannot look any deeper into yourself without disliking what you see.

There is so much I could say about things I've learned and observed in myself and the world around me. But the thing that started me writing today was actually Blame. The blame that people place on everything around them has been digging into me for a while, and I am seizing this moment to get it off my chest. I don't know how much we as a generation can better this world if we place the blame of problems going on in our society always on the heads of someone else. I'm not saying I never do this, or never have this problem, or even that there aren't people to blame. But I am saying that I have stepped back enough to know that it's a problem. There should come a day in everyone's  lives where you look in the mirror and realize that everything that you are and have been is because of you. Not your neighbor, not your bishop or anyone else. Yes there are times that what you have, or don't have is out of your hands. Sometimes tragedy strikes and you loose loved ones, homes, your physical health and many other plagues that prey on every person to have ever walked this earth. But who you become through those times is your choice, based on your actions, you steer your ship in the direction you choose, not matter the size of the waves that attack you in the storms of life. You can change the direction your life, and no one else can make that choice for you. Fact! You determine the end result of who you become, that lot has been given to you and never will be taken away. It's a gift to us from a father that loved us enough to entrust us with it. Yes you need others in your life to enlighten you and help you as you choose, and we all need the cleansing of the atonement that makes our lives possible. But we are responsible for our actions and no one else's. You can not manipulate control or demean people into changing, just as they can not control you. The faster we realize that the more effective, happy, and motivated we will feel. But you can not live the rest of your lives feeling like some of the ruts you get in are all someone else's fault, the more you place blame, the more stuck you get. You are the empowering person in your life. If you want to be happy, look at yourself and make that choice, because really it's in you hands, no one else can make you be happy.
We have wonderful lives of promise a head of us, but in today's world we desperately need people who are willing to stand up and stand out. We can't afford to fit in with the everyday average person, we don't average, we need extraordinary. Dear Generation I think we have the potential to be that. But we can not put on the worldly camouflage to just blend it. We NEED to be different. 

If you see yourself in rags

Ever since I graduated high school I have had a trickle, that seemed more like a stream of friends getting married. It's fantastic and I have been sincerely happy for them every time that things work out in their favor. This is an amazing and exciting time of life, there's so much to love, to look forward to, and so so very much be grateful for and celebrate.

What hasn't made as happy is the fact the I have felt like people look at me like I'm somehow faulty, or just behind schedule. In high school I was the girl that everyone thought would be married at eighteen, or nineteen considering that I'm an older one in my grade. I kind of knew at the time they were wrong, and sometimes I would inform them, sometimes I'd just let them flatter themselves in thinking they were dead on. Than wedding after wedding I was still single, which I was fine with, and when my older sister got married, in the line several people told me I had one year to get married. I figure this had to do with the fact that my older brother and sister got married within one year of each other. Now it's been three years since my sisters wedding. Three wonderful, and sometimes hard years. I have learned how to truly love but also accept heartbreak as a beautiful thing that enables you to love deeper than ever before.

But the more people looked at me expectantly the more I felt I was a disappointment to others, which was what was hard for me, the feeling that I had let others down was what killed me inside. They weren't disappointed, that was just my perception, but that perception started to cripple me. I wondered why I wasn't asked out more. I was told I was to picky, and I wasn't encouraging enough, I didn't touch a guys elbow enough when I was interested in him, which was ludicrous to me, but that tiny sliver of doubt crept into my mind that started to paralyze me. People always said never give up on your dreams and never settle for less than what you truly want, but I had already given up on myself. I was struggling with depression, which  didn't help things and when I finally decided I needed help and was diagnosed medication didn't help, it just eased the stress I felt inside.

Well here it is 1:01 in the morning I'm crying on my bed finally realizing that I am fine, in fact I am great. I finally am realizing that nobodies been disappointed by me except for Satan because he's realizing I am not his, I have bought with a price and I am a daughter of an almighty Heavenly Father who loves me very much and has never for one moment been disappointed by my firmness in waiting for what I truly desire. This morning a friend of mine gave me a blog site for me to read, which I am finally getting around to reading. I think this realization had been setting in all day, and it finally just struck me, the one person that has been disappointed in me was me, and it was because I felt other must staple their admiration of me on to what I am able to accomplish, and when I got pounded for not going on a mission, and people started asking me if it was going to be me next to get married I figured they had to be disappointed. After all I was a beautiful young woman who was intelligent, and talented and able, why shouldn't I be able to attract a man to me, I started to feel like there must be something wrong with me. Well there's nothing wrong except that I am loving and patient with everyone but myself, why should I grant others my love and patience when I was destructively denying myself of what I have most needed : Love for me. Timing is essential in all of Gods finest masterpieces, why should my life be any different?

 If I want my life to reflect the purest beauties of God's wondrous works I need to realize he is guiding me, he is not disappointed, he loves me. He is eagerly waiting for me to be submissive to follow him to the unknown paths he has for me. I can see the doors he has opened for me in my past, and the doors he has started to open to me now, they are not typical doors, one would expect to open at my age, but they are beautiful, baring the detailed beauty of The Masters hand, a hand that has tenderly and lovingly carved out a beautiful future for me, because he is good, and he loves me. I see a door opening before that may change the lives of my children and generations after me. For the first time in a long time I am okay with where I am, and am excited for where I am going, I may never walk this way again, but I am so grateful I get to walk this way now, and I am not sorry for waiting, and learning to patiently accept that the lord knows where he is guiding me, and somewhere between my once upon a time, and happily ever after someone will find me, to have a to hold for forever. And I want him to find me singing happily as I work. There is a great work to do and workers are few.

I think for the first time this princess is seeing herself as a princess, instead of an orphan in rags (metaphorically) but moral is the same. If you see yourself in rags slaving away under the rule of a evil queen, how can you rejoice over the fact that you are a beautiful child to a wondrous king?

Motive

When I first started this blog sight I actually was just going to start a sight where I could have stuff about my family where relatives could come and check on whats going on with my family. I had no intention of making anything super personal just kind of fun side time filler. I find though that this blog has become very personal to me. As I have typed up insights and thoughts of my heart I have started dedicated the posts to my future children hoping that it will help them when they go through hard times to see what was going through my mind when I went through some of my hard times. More than that it has become a site of reflection for me too. I look back on things I've said and thought and I can see how far I've come. My motive has changed as I've done this, but I will never regret the blessings I have gained from keeping some of these thoughts in a place where they will never be lost. Even if I am the only one that reaps the benefits from this blog I am grateful I've done. I hope someday someone can gain at least one tenth of the insight from this site that I gained from typing it. If not I will never feel like I lost anything from doing it.

Compassion

It's amazing the things that will invoke in you a feeling of compassion, unexpectedly doors will open that originally you would have never thought to look inside. When you do look inside your eyes are opened to perspectives you didn't know existed. In the year since I have moved to Salt Lake City my life has been changed in ways I would have never expected before, and my eyes have been opened to concepts that I had never contemplated. I don't savor every memory I have made here, but I know every one of them can build me making me stronger for my future, even the things that I wish I could lock away. I have made decisions I haven't been proud of and I have made others that I know I will be grateful for, for the rest of my life.
But one of the greatest lessons I have learned is compassion, the desire to understand those who seem impossible to understand. I have learned to try to see that everyone does things for a reason, and chances are the reasons are more noble that we may first assume.
Humans are born with innate desire to love, and almost every persons actions are built in some way or another around that desire. When people lash out usually it's because they have been denied of that which is most essential to their life: Love. I don't know exactly what I have blind to all this time, but I have realized just how much people need to be loved, and how much people need to be excepted and supported, sometimes all people need is one person to believe in them for them to take flight.
I have also learned however that you should never allow yourself to be controlled or manipulated because you think that will show someone that they are cared for and loved. You never have to do that! You are less able to love yourself and in turn love others when you are controlled by others and circumstances. Love is not love unless it is accompanied by freedom, becoming a slave to someone else's desires is never a sign of love, it's a sign of selfishness.
It's hard finding a balance and as beings of passion we more often than not tend to go to the extremes in what we do. But I am truly understanding that it is by the small and simple things that great things are brought to pass. It is through small and simple acts that the greatest signs of love are reflected. In time I know our thoughts become our actions and I hope that regardless of my past, my thoughts will become the strength behind my actions.

Intertwined

Our lives are intertwined, who are we to say and determine where one life ends and another begins? Every life in some way flows into another, every life affects another in some significant way. No life is singly lived, or ever should be. Our lives are like a tapestry each thread woven into another, and each life part of a bigger picture. The minute you start clipping strings, and ripping threads you start loosing the bigger picture and things start to fall apart. We need each of those around us for the larger picture to be meaningful. And to attempt to live life singly and separated from those around us leaves life meaningless, with little color and in pieces.
~Carrie Cox

Human Complexity

Human complexity is something that over the last little while of my life I have been observing, and analyzing. People aren't just one soul of simple purpose and meaning, but I'm starting to realize that they are hundreds of pieces of all of the souls that have contributed to who they are. The reason that it is impossible for us as mortals to judge anyone is because there is so much complexity to each individual and the moments to their life than we can ever understand. Like a detailed painting we each have strokes of all of the colors of life, which colors we focus on is up to us, but the colors are still there.
There are so many complex emotions within each individual that it is impossible to make a judgement of character just based on one encounter, but's only after a life of encounter that you begin to even glimpse the depth to who someone is. It takes tears and laughter and awkward silence and moments of comfortable flowing conversation, silent communication across the room knowing your both saying the same thing in your hearts. Some communication isn't even described with words but with the emotion you feel in someone presence.
There is so much to people that goes unknown, but I do believe there is no such thing as an all good person, or an all bad one, there are tiny pieces of good in the worst of people, and there is a tug of temptation even in the strongest people. And everyone has moments of weakness when they become the thing they fear the most, even if only for a moment, whether or not they stay that way is completely up to them. But I know that I cannot judge someone based on that moment of weakness, because I have the same capability to fall the same distance if I am to proud to take note of the path I choose to walk on.
People are capable of giving love if only someone will take the time to show them they love there is to give. You can not judge the loveless soul that was never taught to love, especially if we are just another person denying them of that love. I don't always understand people and I won't pretend that I do, but what I do know is that it's the tiny and unnoticed details that make the most breathtaking pictures. And I believe that people are the same

Learn to Dream

    I testify to you of the power of the Atonement, I  know that as long as your doing the best that you possibly can the lord make up the difference. No matter how big the difference, we were not sent to this earth to earn our fathers love, but to learn of his love and what he will do for us when he can't be there right by our side. We already have his love, it ours, because he is our father and we are his children. I testify that Christ is my friend and he is yours too, and he loves each and everyone of us. I testify that we have a loving Heavenly Father watching over us, and he patiently stands by waiting for the day that he can answer everyone one of our dreams. But first we have to learn to dream and to believe in them.
    The trick in life is not in learning to dream, dreaming comes as naturally as breathing, if we let it. Dreaming is what sometimes saves us from the complexity of this detailed existence. The trick comes in learning to believe in our dreams, and believing that there is a supreme being watching over us that loves us enough to want to make our dreams come true. The trick is believing. But once you learn to believe it is a powerful tool, it changes the way you live life, it changes the eyes through which you see life, and it changes the soul which you become in this life.
   

Doubt Not Only be Believing

The amazing thing about Moses and the Red Sea is that fact that when he had the impression to part the red sea he did not pause or hesitate he did not sit down and tell the lord that it was crazy or to hard, in a time full of pressure and faithlessness in those around him he simply believed. He knew that with God all things are possible, because he knew who he was and who he could become with the lords help. All things are possible not just the most practical. He believed and acted on that belief.

Doubt has been the precursor to every miracle that Almost happened whether in modern days or in biblical times. There was nothing about the parting of the Red Sea that was greater than the reformation of the church or even the small miracles that happen in each and every one of our lives. If you are listening to the still small voice, and believing in faith that you can do the things he is asking of you, you might as well be parting the Red Sea, because you are opening doors for others that until you had faith to follow the spirit had been powerfully locked. And if you can learn to have complete and unquestionable faith in God and his power in your life and through your life you might as well be the children of Israel through the Red Sea on dry ground, because allegorically that is precisely what you were sent her for.

We are in the last days, we've been saved for the last leg of the journey, and the last siege of  this battle. In a day where the odds are so great against us we cannot afford to make those odds greater by doubting. Now is the time to have the faith to charge even when retreat seems to be the only option. We have a call, and we have power through the lord to do amazing things, all we need is to find the courage and belief to do them.
27 Then saith he to Thomas, Reach hither thy finger, and behold my hands; and reach hither thy hand, and ^athrust it into my side: and be not ^bfaithless, but ^cbelieving.
 "With God All things are possible! "

People May Not Hear

I have learned though the years that the words that go unwritten in time will become warped and twisted. People can use words as weapons against those who speak them, even when spoken in truth. In a world full of lawyers and attorneys people have learned to twist words to gain the result they desire no matter what the original intent was. If words go unwritten, they go undecided because there is no way to keep them solid and structured the way they once were if they are spoken and carried away in the winds of time. Something I've realized is People may not see the actions I do when they are not looking, and people may not hear some of the softer words I speak and in time, people may even forget the original message which I shared when they did hear me. I may not be able to show what I am feeling as well as I wish, But nobody can dispute the words that I write that contains the dynamic elements of my soul. People can never argue that the words that I write are not true to what I feel inside and who I am. For they are signed with the signature of my heart. And if people read my words seeking to understand who I am it is in my words they will find it. It is there in the signature of my soul. 

Reflections of Me

I though I would just take time to type up some of the things I love in life hoping that they are a proper representations of who I am inside.
I love silence that you hear while snow falls, I love the smell of crunching leaves during autumn. I love sunsets at the end of my hardest days, and at the end of my good days too. I like getting up early and watching the sunrise on my roof with my little brothers. I like the fresh feeling that floats through the air when spring is on the way, and I love the crisp feeling of autumn in the air. Autumn and Spring are my favorite seasons. Utah has gorgeous sunsets. I love the way I feel walking away from a wonderful fireside, and I love the softness you feel towards people when you take the time to have real in depth conversations and get to know each other. I like trying on shoes and bananas in my cheerios. I love butterfly kisses and bear hugs.
I like the taste of peppermint on my tongue, and although I don't like the dentist I love the feeling of clean healthy teeth. I like smiling and laughing and I love smiling even more, when I feel like smiling all day, just because I'm happy. I love the moment in the movies when the girl gets kissed by the guy deserves it most. I love curling up on the couch and watching a great movie with my family. I love listening to the end credit music and the end of movies, I like listening to all the details that added together make music feel like a beautiful invisible picture that you feel instead of seeing.
I love being lead by a guy that knows how to dancing, and I love it when listening to music makes my heart dance. I love that growing up my parents insisted on me learning how to play instruments, and while I was never a pro I learned to appreciate the beauty of music, and I can play the piano for the pleasure of feeling the key touch the tips of my fingers. I love the empowering moment when I nail something that I have been working at for a long time. I like playing beautiful expressive music that will touch hearts and I love singing at the top of my lung in my car when no one can care what I sound like.
I love that moment music expresses your emotion perfectly. I love proving the negative thinkers wrong and proving that I am what I want to be, not what they stereotype me as.
I like finding discounts and knowing that I can get good quality, I like sweaters hoodies and skirts. I love being able to dress up and feel like a lady. I love it when even when someone doesn't like you they respect you for who you are, and I love it when I find myself capable of doing the same.
I love that when I come home to visit I wake up to either childrens laughter or my family singing, I love going camping with my family and ending up with our little cocker spaniel wrapped around the top of my head, with her head on my shoulder. I like going to lake powell with my family and the random moments of insider jokes you remember. I love picking up the phone with my brother-in-law to hear him call me sunshine on the other line. I miss horses and I loved riding bareback and feeling the wind in my hair. I love waltzing gracefully to beautiful music although I haven't done it in years. I love it when I get a dance move just right after practicing over and over to get it that way.
I like fruit yogurt and pizza, and while I've always felt that I was a very independent person, I love knowing that there are people that are concerned and care for me. I like going home to well cooked meals. I like long talks with my family that are full of insight and upliftment.

I guess what really matters is that yes sometimes life stinks and sometimes it's hard, but in all the frustrating complexity I love it. I love my life and while I may not agree with everything going on in my country I love my country, it is beautiful and has a wonderful legacy. I love the gospel, and the insight it gives me. I love life and I hope that people can see my love for life and see it as a reflection of who I am.

On the Outskirts

One of the most important things to realize in life is that you may find contentment and comfort by staying within the safe bounds of your comfort zone, but it's not until you take a brave step outside of comfort that you find what you most yearn for. Yes you will find pain, yes you will feel insecurities, dark times and loneliness. You will stumble on faults and flaws, you will find traits existing inside your soul that you despise. More than anything you will be confronted with all your greatest doubts and fears. But what is greater than all of that, the thing greater than all the darkness that you can confront will be the light that you may find. Yes you are given the confrontation of evil, but more importantly you will find peace, confidence, faith and happiness. Yes the thing greater than all of the pacifying comfort the world could offer you is the light and joy you will surely find when you look past the darkness of the world and choose courage over doubt. The only place you will find joy and confidence (not only in yourself but also in your lord) is beyond the outskirts and boundaries of your comfort zone. You just have to find enough courage to take the step.

Once Upon A Time

Once upon a time. . . there was an enchanted world, and than it was destroyed and everybody bid it good bye realizing that somehow they had to make it through this new life that they faced. But little did people realize that just because everything changes, doesn't mean it's never been this way before. And there was a girl that lived in this not so enchanted world and some people came into her life that helped her realize that there have been times of struggle and trial in the life before this one, but now just as than right will prevail, the sincere in heart will find their desires, good people will find happiness, light will always rise no matter how dark and cold the night and true love will cure any curse. It already has, it did the moment someone loved us enough to die for us, and it was sealed the morning the sun rose after those three days of darkness. And it always will. . . For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son. True Love does cure any curse and it always will. We have that promise

Wanted

About six months ago a bumper sticker was read aloud in a general conference talk, that brought forth laughter. Even deeper it brought forth a great truth it read "Don't judge me because I sin differently than you." In the months since than I have reflected on this quote many times, rerealizing every time the truth it teaches each of is that we are all imperfect, but we have no right to call each other out on it. We are all in need of mercy in our lives and we must in turn give it to all who are around us, no matter how imperfect.
Not long ago I was driving through downtown Salt Lake City, reading bumper stickers as I went and one particularly stuck out to me. It read Wanted: A Good Woman.  In the past week I've hit the sad realization of how true that is, but not just for woman. But people our world is in need of good people, I'm not pointing fingers or saying that I'm doing better than anyone else. The truth is most of us know better than we're doing, we've all become so sucked into the idea of not wanting to offend those around us. That we're all living our lives walking on pins, avoiding any subject that may be difficult to address. With political unrest surrounding us everywhere we turn, we with hold our beliefs afraid that they may condemn us. I speak of myself specifically knowing that I don't stand alone. When I reflect back on times in history when there were miracles and times of greatness. It was in those times that there were Good people reaching out to those around them, standing up for what they believed. But they weren't afraid to be good to those around them either. They were good.
I know each and everyone of us were preserved for this time on this earth. We proved who we were in the premortal existence. And now in this life what our world really needs is good people, which requires courage. But there will come a time where we will have to question ourselves to whether we are more fearful of who we could be, or more fearful of what this world will become without good people. We all have power with in our being, whether we want that power or not, we still have it. That power will either be negative or positive it cannot be neutral. In today's fighting grounds there is no neutral ground, it does not exist. I used to have a quote in my locker that said "Choose what you want out of life before it decides what it wants out of you. For if you do not choose, life definitely will."
I want to be a good woman, because like the sticker stated good woman are needed in today's world. Notice that every outstanding man in the Bible that fell, fell because of a woman. I do not want to be that woman that drags a man to his knees, becoming his greatest weaknesses. I want to be a strength to those around me. And I hope I can be using the power that I have for the strength of the world around me. I want to be Good.

imminence

No matter what happens in this life we always know that there is change coming. Nothing stays the same for long, it makes life hard and beautiful. But I've also realized how much more meaningful life is when it's changing so constantly. the quote " you don't begin to live until you've lost everything" also applies to life when you realize you have no idea how long things will be yours, or if they where even yours in the first place. You seem to treasure things much more when there are limits.
Over the past couple months I've realized this as I've suddenly realized these are the last few months I will ever truly live in my house, after I move I will be gone. I'll go up to school and find a job than I'll just be coming back to visit, but it will never be the same again. I'm so grateful for the opportunity I've had to gain and strengthen a relationship with each of my siblings. And my parents have taught me so much, they are amazing.
I know I'm very ready to get out of Sanpete County I've loved living here, but I'm ready to break free. I'm excited to breath new air and watch the sunset behind different mountains. I'm excited for the promise my future holds for me. I'm excited for everything I get to study up at the University of Utah, I feel a passion for learning. I know these next few years will be a great blessing to me.
So while the changes in my life are imminent and somewhat bittersweet I cannot imagine something more liberating than taking the next step in my journey. I still don't see my destination but I know I'm headed in the right direction. And despite the tears and frustrations this life is an endless miracle and it is beautiful.