God's Canvas

My life is but a weaving
Between my God and me
I let Him choose the colours
He worketh steadily.
Ofttimes he worketh sorrow
And I, within my heart,
Forget He sees the pattern
While I see only part.
The dark threads were as needful
In the Weaver's skillful hand,
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern he has planned.
Not till the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly
Shall God unroll the canvas
And explain the reason why.

-- Author Unknown

Learning to Fly

“When you have come to the edge Of all light that you know And are about to drop off into the darkness Of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or You will be taught to fly”

Patrick Overton quotes

Well these past few days have been some of the hardest ever for me. In fact this semester has been the hardest semester ever for me. Harder than my first year of high school, when I felt so small insignificant, and insecure. Harder than my senior year of high school when my schedule was so busy that I could hardly breathe, harder than going through Miss Independence with an infected appendix, and harder than going through the stages of a teenager realizing that everything that you've been focusing on were all the pointless things that fade away. But the struggle is different now, I'm not struggling because I'm so busy, I'm not struggling because I'm sick and I'm no longer a teenager worried about what boys think about my on the bus. This isn't a struggle about feeling small and insignificant. I've been struggling with coming to the realization of how much power I could have, I struggle because I'm coming to the realization that I have been saved for this time live on this earth. I've been saved for the best of times and the worst of times. I'm realizing that as hard as things may seem to be right now in the world, it's not going to get any easier for my children. One of the biggest struggles I think there can be in this world is the realization of how big of a roll you could have in the future, and being scared to death that you not reaching your potential.

I've always been a person that liked knowing that I am in control of my life and I could control where I go and what I could become. And suddenly I have realized that I'm not in control of my life, because life consists not only of you, but also the people around you, and the way they live their lives, and the only thing I am in control of is me, and that means very little without the people around you. I think that the Lord did not intend to send us down here and have us plan out our lives and be able to live out our dreams to the best of our ability. Because without him our dreams and our lives would end up being very small compared to what they could be with him in the picture. He wanted to send us down here to lives our lives through his eyes, he wants us to learn how to listen to his direction and his point of view. Our eyes only see as far as the road under our feet, we can't even see the road a head of us sometimes, we never know when it will twist and turn. He can see the birds eye view, he can see where we are, where we are headed and the moment, and he can see the destination he needs us to arrive at, and how to get us there. And he will get us there if we let him, as long as we don't let our dream get in the way of us being able to see his dream for us, because when we look back on moments in our life where he has helped us through, it will be plain as night and day that his dream was bigger, and so much better.

Sometimes it's so hard to just let go and trust the Lord, after all you can't see exactly where he's leading you all the time, you just have to realize he would never take you anywhere to your detriment. I guess over all that has been my biggest struggle and hardest for me, is to let go of my dreams enough to be able to see his. When I first came to College I really thought I had it all planned out, my dreams weren't bad dreams but they were enough to cloud out what the lord wanted for me, and it hurts so bad turning around and realizing what a great opportunity I just threw away but I guess that lord wouldn't want to my to focus on that, but he wants me to learn to listen for his call so that when I hear his voice, I will recognize it and follow it. I know that the Atonement makes all things possible, and that the lord can and will make everything right but he will wait a little while to test your obedience before giving you another shot at something important. The lord wants you learn to trust his voice knowing that when you take a leap he will help you land, or he will teach you to fly. Makes you wonder how baby birds feel when they are learning to fly, trying so hard to listen to their mothers command, but being scared to death to leave the nest to fly. And you do have to leave the nest to fly, that is one requirement.

It may be hard and sometimes heartbreaking to give up the dreams that you had planned for yourself, but it's so much less heartache to realize the lord knows all things and he is the only one in this world you can truly rely on, and he is the only way you can ever truly fly. Without his plan and with out his guidance we're stuck in the tree with no wings to fly.

I Can Hear It (original) - by Tim Zibrat

Josh Groban - Hidden Away

Crazy Friday

Wow, well today was one of those super hard days in College that you just have to get through, and that's about all you can do. It was like finals week in one day I had four tests in one day, it was one really long day. I've been sick this week so that's been not so very fun, but I've gone to all my classes and tried to stay on top of things, which has been challenging but possible, even if only barely. So last night I stayed up late surprise, surprise but I was studying so I had a legitimate excuse. This morning I got up a lot later than I should have it was about 6:50 ish and I was the first one in my house up, I woke my brother up so he could get ready and be at the bus stop in time. Then I got ready super fast and the rest of my morning til 9:00 was spent studying for Psychology, in which I had a test on the brain and the first three chapters of the book. After Psychology I studies for my Oral Spanish test that I had at 11:40, which I got a 94%, what a relief! After that I studied for my Statistics test and my Written Spanish test. I went to Friday Forum at 12:30 and than I fit in another hour of studying. It's kind of funny slash sad that you can put so much time into studying and you can still look at the test and realize there's things you could have studied more, like you think you got them right but your not sure. Oh well I did the best I could.

I'm just glad I made it through today without breaking into tears, I was so tired, but I made it through. I know it wasn't on my own I could have never gotten through the day if I hadn't prayed for the strength to make it through. Friday Forum was also very good. Elder Donald Butler came and spoke about trials and how the lord will never ask you do go through something you are not strong enough to do, I felt like it was directed right at me. Although some of my trials and hard times may be self-inflicted I know that the lord is always understanding and there to help me, and he will help me through anything. I may not have known perfectly every answer to every test I took today, but what I do know I know, and I know that the lord loves me and all my imperfections and all of his children perfectly.

“We can easily manage if we will only take, each day, the burden appointed to it. But the load will be too heavy for us if we carry yesterday's burden over again today, and then add the burden of the morrow before we are required to bear it.” John Newton

"Although my memory's fading, I remember two things very clearly: I am a great sinner and Christ is a great Savior." John Newton

"I am not what I ought to be, I am not what I want to be, I am not what I hope to be in another world; but still I am not what I once used to be, and by the grace of God I am what I am"
— John Newton

“I asked God for strength that I might achieve. I was made weak that I might learn humbly to obey. I asked for health that I might do greater things. I was given infirmity that I might do better things. I asked for riches that I might be happy. I was given poverty that I might be wise. I asked for power that I might have the praise of men. I was given weakness that I might feel the need of God. I asked for all things that I might enjoy life. I was given life that I might enjoy all things. I got nothing that I asked for, but everything I hoped for. Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered. I am, among all men, most richly blessed.” John Newton

oh love - brad paisley and carrie underwood

Elder Richard G. Scott

Tonight they had a beautiful and touching fireside with Richard G Scott as the speaker. It's amazing how you can know who someone is your whole life and never meet them yet they still have the amazing capacity to touch and to change your life forever. Tonight was one of those night's when my eyes where opened to the strength of someone that the chances are I will never meet. Being in College you start to hear a lot about courting and marriage, sometimes you get a little tired of hearing it, some times you feel just a little bit like it's being rubbed in your face that your still single, and you have no one specific to share you life with just yet, And then there are other times that I don't mind at all. Tonight was one of those night's that I felt ready and receptive to the spirit and the message. Elder Scott spoke a lot about marriage and the dedication and loyalty he had for his wife who he had married so long ago, and who passed away many years ago, but he spoke with the dedication of someone who had just seen her yesterday, and with the love and fervor of someone who was still keeping their marriage covenants, and was as in love with his wife today as he had been the day they got married. He told of all of the time the realized it was her strength beside him that got him through, he told of how in his point of view behind every great man there ever has been there's always a great woman.

I realized all over again tonight that I want to be that type of woman, someone inspiring, a woman who a man of god could gratefully call his, regardless of his calling. Whether he ended up being an apostle, prophet, bishop, or a humble farmer who dedicated his life to serving the lord. I want to be someone loving and supportive, that they could feel my support in everything they do. I want to be someone strong that a man could lean on when they felt weak, I want to have the courage, and faith to be able to support and be a strength to who ever I marry. I want to be someone that my future husband could look at as his equal partner, someone he could share his strengths and weaknesses with, and someone I could be able to share my weaknesses and strengths with in return.

The more I learn about the gospel the more I realize, that this gospel is all about love stories. It's about God's unending love for his children and their love for him in return. It's about the lost being found. It's about the wrong being made right, and about everything being put in the right order, through love and because of love. And the more I learn about love the more I am amazed by what love makes possible, and the capacity of love to change our lives

Longest Summer of my Life

Well it's kind of crazy to think that I am now a sophomore in College, I don't feel that old. Sometimes I still feel two years old with no idea of what I'm doing. Yesterday I went over to the Middle School with my mom to pay some fees for my little brother David, who is not so little anymore. I ran into one of my old teachers from when I was in sixth grade, and she asked me how I was and what I was doing now days, and what year of school I was now in. I told her I was a sophomore and we figured it had been seven years since I was in her class. It's crazy that seems like forever ago, yet walking through those halls it seemed like yesterday and I could remember all sorts of memories from that school. The funny thing is as carefree and unstressful as middle school is I don't really miss it, I had some great teachers through all my years of school and I've learned a lot but I don't miss it.

This summer there has been so much that happened, yet it seemed like it went on for forever. This summer Amber and Bryce got married, which was so beautiful, it couldn't have been more perfect. My friends Stephanie and Aubrey got married one of the first few of all my friends, with two more preparing for a wedding, crazy! Jessica spent the summer in Israel as a nanny, and Rachel spent the summer in the mountains for work. I spent my summer in the summer ward as the Family Home Evening coordinator for my third semester in a row, which I am now finished with. That definitely stretched me and got me out of my shell, it was very hard for me. Now I'm done though. Over the summer my family worked in the garden, fixed fences for the cow pasture, did pageant, went to Lake Powell, and Seven Peaks, and now we're planning a trip to Lagoon as a family, wahoo!

It's been a good summer, but I'm ready for classes to start up again, I almost wish I had taken some over the summer, but all the classes that I wanted to take and looked into were on Richfeild campus. Well I'm ready to see what adventures I can find in school this year. So much changed over last year,I'm super nervous, and maybe a little scared, but I'm excited,

January 3rd 2010

Yeah for the new year, I'm excited for all the possibilities that will come with this new year. This year has been amazing and my family has been blessed so very much. We have been blessed with the spirit in our lives and with safety through what we've been doing. So many things that happened this year could have been so much worse, we have been so blessed. I'm excited for the new school year, to see what I can do with my classes and my talents, every day a new possibility. Sometime soon I will try to post on some pics of my family, and mt adorable pets.