Wouldn't it be wonderful to be able to say as the lord says "I am" and stop there, not have to describe, categorize, define or label ourselves? The only reason that we in this mortal existence add on to this phrase is because we are always changing. The lord says "I am" meaning he is constant, stable and reliable. He is unchanging, he doesn't have to tell us how he is or what he is, we know, we see it in all he does. He is power, he is majesty, he is justice, mercy, and love and he shows it to us in all things. He has no need to explain himself.
We on the other hand are unstable, wavering, and many times questioning and unsure of ourselves, the lord never is. We are mortal, we're imperfect which is expected. We have mortal desires, we are all human, everyone of us. We have selfish tenancies and appetites more specifically I do, I'm human I fall to temptation, I'm not so very much different than others around me. Sometimes I like to think I am, I'd like to think that I am stronger than those around me, and in some areas I may be, but generally I am weak. I succumb to wills of the flesh that are ungodly, instead of focusing on the wills of God.
We all would love to think we are strong, independent and free, but deep down we are dependent and governed creatures. As King Benjamin cries out to his people, in his last address to them. "For behold, are we not all abeggars? Do we not all depend upon the same Being, even God, for all the substance which we have..." We all depend on God and his mercy. Whats more is that we are not free, deep down we in our weakness allow ourselves to be governed by the things that surround us. Our desires, our weaknesses, our fears, our pride, our circumstances, and our lack of belief. We are created by those things and circumstances.
But God, he creates, he is not created, he has complete control over himself, giving him power to create outside of himself. God is not created by what stands around him, he creates what surrounds him. Wouldn't it be wonderful to have that power and control over ourselves, to have the power to be creating who we are, no longer enslaved by our present circumstances. I've started to realize that the only way to gain any control in life is to give all control to the lord. I know now that, that is the only way we can ever become creators. We have to give all control to the lord knowing he will direct us to where he needs us to be, then and only then will we be able to begin to find and create in us the person God intends us to be.
God in his complete majesty says "I am" meaning he is the same yesterday, today and forever and how marvelous it is to know we have a constant being in whom we can give our complete trust and belief.
Someday far beyond this one I hope to be able to say the same "I am" meaning I know who I am. I am a daughter of God with divine worth and purpose, I am constant and stable I know where I am going and I will not waver. I believe with a fullness of heart in the purpose of Christ. I want to know that I am strong and no longer governed by my mortal weaknesses and fears. And while now I may be able to claim none of these. Someday I dream of being able to say with full confidence I am a disciple of my Lord, Jesus Christ and I know with confidence who I am.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
From the Inside Out
For a while now I have had people getting after me to update my blog which is actually a little harder than it sounds. In a sense there's not much happening in my life, at least not anything that seems interesting enough to put in a blog.
But while I may have no physical evidence that I am progressing in life, and my life appears to be the same there is so much that is changing. My relationships status may still be the same, my face still looks very much the same, but my heart is changing, and my heart is different. My life has been changing from the inside out.
Like the Lord says in the scriptures "Men look on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart." The changes in my life my not be physical or tangible, but I have felt my life rearrange as I've been doing my best to put things in the lords hands. I have felt him kneed my heart like clay. Clay that still may be to hard to make a masterpiece out of but softer than it used to be.
So I think I've decided that on this blog I'm going to try to write over the next few months some of the things I've felt in my heart over the past year. It may not be easy for me because I sometimes have a hard time putting what I feel in my heart into words. But I'm going to try my best.
But while I may have no physical evidence that I am progressing in life, and my life appears to be the same there is so much that is changing. My relationships status may still be the same, my face still looks very much the same, but my heart is changing, and my heart is different. My life has been changing from the inside out.
Like the Lord says in the scriptures "Men look on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart." The changes in my life my not be physical or tangible, but I have felt my life rearrange as I've been doing my best to put things in the lords hands. I have felt him kneed my heart like clay. Clay that still may be to hard to make a masterpiece out of but softer than it used to be.
So I think I've decided that on this blog I'm going to try to write over the next few months some of the things I've felt in my heart over the past year. It may not be easy for me because I sometimes have a hard time putting what I feel in my heart into words. But I'm going to try my best.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
My Life is Changing
"You may never walk this way again, and chances are that you won't"
~Bishop Bingham
Well I've had a very bitter sweet feeling about life lately, my life is changing into territory I've never been before. There's no map, there's trail guides, but as we've all learned in life no one can tell us exactly where to go, because the thing is we all have different trails. Although to each trail there are similarities, which enable us to be able to connect to each other, and to give encouragement to each other, but we all have different things we must experience so we all have a different trail.
This last month I had two more friends get married and this weekend I have another one getting married. I have no problem with them getting married, in fact I'm very happy for all of them. With that happiness comes the longing to feel the content happiness that they are feeling, part of me is scared to death of it, and part of me is crying out for it. I guess more than anything part of me is starting to feel like I'm getting left behind. This week I tried out for the Institute Choir once again because I told someone I would, and I didn't make it. I'm fine with not making it, I don't have time for something like that when I'm taking eighteen credits, it's the fact the that's another thing on the list of things I've never made it into that bothers me. It's the fact that I've never made it into anything I've tried out for that bothers me. I guess what a tiny piece of me is scared of is the fact the maybe I'll never make anything. After all "It's not enough to be good, you need to be good for something." I just hope that the conflict I've been feeling will make the triumph of concurring my fears and oppressions more glorious. Heaven knows how to put a proper price on it's goods, and if my future happiness comes at the price of frustration, and loneliness now I guess it's a price that's worth paying, it's just not the easiest to pay.
I guess it's this bitter cold winter weather that keeps me cooped up in my house and the library that makes me anxious and makes me feel ready for movement and progression. Part of it is also the time of life, this time of life was meant for change and growth. The real frustration is the fact that as much as I want to move on and grow, the real growth and change can only come when some one else has the desire to to grow and change with me. This time the growth and change isn't all in my hands, before in life if I've wanted a change in life a lot of it was in my hands and although it wasn't immediate I could work on the growth and change at my rate and eventually I would see the affects. But this time it's totally different what I really need is someone that needs me. Someone has to consciously pick me for this progression, and growth.
I know everything will work out in the end, and that knowledge helps me get through life with a smile on my face, and with an ever growing patience, but I must admit at times it doesn't seem to make life any easier at the moment.
All I know is that Heavenly Father has a plan for everything one, and if mine just goes a little slower it doesn't mean it won't work out it just means there's still a few more details to work out. On my wall there's a quote that says "Life is in the details" and it's so true. It's those small and seemingly insignificant details that make life so much sweeter. So I'm just trying to enjoy those small details that make life amazing and beautiful, because I my never walk this way again, and chances are that I won't.
~Bishop Bingham
Well I've had a very bitter sweet feeling about life lately, my life is changing into territory I've never been before. There's no map, there's trail guides, but as we've all learned in life no one can tell us exactly where to go, because the thing is we all have different trails. Although to each trail there are similarities, which enable us to be able to connect to each other, and to give encouragement to each other, but we all have different things we must experience so we all have a different trail.
This last month I had two more friends get married and this weekend I have another one getting married. I have no problem with them getting married, in fact I'm very happy for all of them. With that happiness comes the longing to feel the content happiness that they are feeling, part of me is scared to death of it, and part of me is crying out for it. I guess more than anything part of me is starting to feel like I'm getting left behind. This week I tried out for the Institute Choir once again because I told someone I would, and I didn't make it. I'm fine with not making it, I don't have time for something like that when I'm taking eighteen credits, it's the fact the that's another thing on the list of things I've never made it into that bothers me. It's the fact that I've never made it into anything I've tried out for that bothers me. I guess what a tiny piece of me is scared of is the fact the maybe I'll never make anything. After all "It's not enough to be good, you need to be good for something." I just hope that the conflict I've been feeling will make the triumph of concurring my fears and oppressions more glorious. Heaven knows how to put a proper price on it's goods, and if my future happiness comes at the price of frustration, and loneliness now I guess it's a price that's worth paying, it's just not the easiest to pay.
I guess it's this bitter cold winter weather that keeps me cooped up in my house and the library that makes me anxious and makes me feel ready for movement and progression. Part of it is also the time of life, this time of life was meant for change and growth. The real frustration is the fact that as much as I want to move on and grow, the real growth and change can only come when some one else has the desire to to grow and change with me. This time the growth and change isn't all in my hands, before in life if I've wanted a change in life a lot of it was in my hands and although it wasn't immediate I could work on the growth and change at my rate and eventually I would see the affects. But this time it's totally different what I really need is someone that needs me. Someone has to consciously pick me for this progression, and growth.
I know everything will work out in the end, and that knowledge helps me get through life with a smile on my face, and with an ever growing patience, but I must admit at times it doesn't seem to make life any easier at the moment.
All I know is that Heavenly Father has a plan for everything one, and if mine just goes a little slower it doesn't mean it won't work out it just means there's still a few more details to work out. On my wall there's a quote that says "Life is in the details" and it's so true. It's those small and seemingly insignificant details that make life so much sweeter. So I'm just trying to enjoy those small details that make life amazing and beautiful, because I my never walk this way again, and chances are that I won't.
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